I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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