she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
