If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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