Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
