I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
