I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
