ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
