Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
