i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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