16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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