All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
