I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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