Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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