Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
They are going to name an STD after you.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
