try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
