Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
