You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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