I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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