We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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