We're facebook friends in real life
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
