You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
