I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
