I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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