that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
