So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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