does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
