First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
is that a dick in a sweater?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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