I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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