Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
