Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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