You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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