Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
