people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
