I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
