I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
