is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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