I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
