We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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