I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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