My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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