Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
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