i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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