Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
