the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
