Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
