I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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