When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
