You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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