my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
