if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
