Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
