Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
