you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
