Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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