Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
