I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
