I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
