my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
we're so committed to being not committed
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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