how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
