question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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