is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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