Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
