angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
