Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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