Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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