Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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