So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
