Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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