lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
