it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
