nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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