I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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