I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
